What motivates self?

Self-development is an issue that more and more people becoming interested. Many of us feel a need for change in your life, and the reason for this may be many. The goal is well anyway to get as good a life as possible.

Self
Self is the collection of thoughts, experiences and feelings that make you who you are. Self gives you character, personality, and behavior patterns that characterize exactly you. When we talk about self-development, it is about changing the self. A change in the self will usually result in a change in the character, personality and behavior.

As a human, we have a unique characteristic in relation to the animals. We have the ability to reflect. It means that we can sit down and think about who we are and ask ourselves: Have I right? Am I satisfied? Can I get it even better than I have today? Should I change? I MUST change? Is there something more than what we can perceive through our senses?

The questions are endless when we first sit down.

The development of the self
This is a big topic in itself that I just briefly go into here.

There are numerous theories about the development of the self. What is left is that development consists of various phases. We go through several stages during the years of life.

When we are born, we have with us a biological code as a result of inheritance. When we grow up we become exposed to influences from the environment around us as we come in contact with.

A total of heredity and environment in determining how our self develops.

The interaction between us and the environment will always affect our thoughts, experiences and feelings. Boys are treated in a pan than girls. Lange people are met in a different way than low people. Blonde gets different treatment than brunettes.

How can we say that the piece is an interaction between ourselves and the environment. We affect the environment and the environment affects us.

After we have gone through the basic stages that infants, children, adolescents, etc., it is often said that we are fully developed when we are adults. As is our way to think and feel in complete matured, and we are ready to take responsibility for our own lives.

In fact many stops development after they have become adults. One might ask why this is so. Some are happy with themselves the way they are. Whether they have achieved what they wanted to accomplish as an adult, with a job, his own family and own interests. Or that they simply are not interested in further evolves. They feel they are doing well, and the urge to sit down and reflect on his life is nonexistent. Sadly enough, there are also people who simply do not have the ability to develop further in life.

Why is there a need to develop self?
I think there are three groups of people who feel a need for self-development.

The first group are those who were not covered their needs in childhood.
The basic need for care from their parents may have been missed. There may be people who have been unsure of themselves. Maybe they had few or no friends or had family members who gave much criticism and little support.

There may be people who have not learned how to behave in different social contexts. This group also includes people who have experienced traumatic events such as war, abuse, violence or other extreme situations.

The second group are those who despite a good upbringing, yet feel that something is missing.
This may be a better job, more money, more friends, other friends. Simply a need for higher social stauts.

The third group are those who are looking for something more than life on earth has to offer.
They have a need to find answers to existential questions. They are searching for something more in the spiritual sense. There are people who believe in a greater creativity, and I mean not pronounced religious people. Although many find their answers in different religions. It is man who is more spiritual in their approach to self development. They are interested in the New Age.

A fourth group may be a combination of all three. There are people who want development on several levels simultaneously. This can be difficult, and you can end up spending too much time and resources on something that is not successful.

It is difficult not to mention Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs when it comes to self-development. The American psychologist summed up the human development in five stages. On top of the pyramid he placed self-actualization, which is a state where we feel that we utilize our capacities and capabilities fully. However, man is constructed so that it will always aspire for something more, and therefore it will always search for further growth.

Whatever your goals with self development is, you've already gone a step further by allowing you sat down and reflected on yourself.

Can you handle criticism?

Constructive criticism on what we are doing is an important measure to control each other's behavior when we belong to a group. If someone does something stupid, negative feedback is a means to prevent the person from making the same mistake again. The same applies if he does something good. Then positive criticism may have a reinforcing effect. Constructive criticism may therefore be both positive and negative feedback.

Criticism is often perceived as negative. Why this is so may be because the society we live in has a generally negative outlook on life. The media provides an indication of this. It is flooded with negative events when we look at Newsnight. But we must distinguish between negative criticism and constructive negative criticism. It is important to find out what kind of criticism we face before we take it under advisement.

To determine if the criticism is constructive or only negative, we must look at who the sender is. Is there a person with a healthy attitude towards life in general, or is that a person who is looking to manipulate others in order to feel better too? Has the person a generally positive outlook on life, or is it a person who is negative to the most? Is there a person who actually want our best, or is there one that does not like us for who we are?

If it turns out that there are people who are manipulative, generally negative or do not like you, you should reject the criticism. It is actually always just negative and not constructive. When you are given the criticism was flawed, and why on earth do you deal with it? You will then have better things to spend your energy on, than to listen to the negative feedback from idiots!

If it is negative criticism from people who otherwise are positive and have a healthy relationship with life, constructive criticism even if it is negative. They want to give you feedback solution and change something you're doing wrong for the better. This is for your own good.

When I get the (negative) criticism of anything I've done, I know that my psychological defenses are activated. I hit the spikes out and wondering who in the world is wanting to hurt or harm me with such statements. Tunnel vision is turned up, and I fail to see the constructive in it right away. It's a shame, because usually it is a truth of constructive criticism, even if it immediately just seems like a negative feedback.

However, I am conscious of the way I react. Therefore, I try to give criticism a little time to settle. I give myself an opportunity to digest the criticism before I give any response. I need some time before I stick the right note on your feedback. Is it constructive negative, or is it only negative? I try to watch an content of the criticism and the one who gives me criticism.

I can hardly see myself from the outside as others see me. In regards to myself, others a unique opportunity to observe me and what I do. I have previously discussed self-observation as a tool to become aware of our thoughts and our behavior, so as to be able to change us. Why not listen to others who actually observing us from the outside all the time?

To help you cope with criticism, and to use it constructively, you can use the following list:

• Allow yourself to get a response when you receive negative criticism. It is normal psychological defenses will get started when you are critically evaluated by others.
• Once the immediate reaction has subsided, use a few seconds to decide whether the sender is an idiot who only comes with flippant and unfair feedback. Or if it's a person that's worth listening to, and who have reasonable and constructive criticism. Do you get written feedback you have even more time to make a decision. Take time well.
• Try to have a general positive attitude to what is happening around you. Consider the criticism, but focus on the positive in what is said. Have the attitude that other people see yourself from the outside better than you do. Constructive criticism is not criticism of you as a person, but it is a response to your actions. In constructive criticism is also much truth. Remember that.
• When you get constructive criticism, saying "thank you" and be friendly. You should be happy that someone bothered to care. If the criticism is coming from a person you knew before, it can actually be a good place to get yourself a new friend. You do know that the person is honest.
• Take the constructive negative criticism into account and change behavior. Rise above your own stubbornness, and see the criticism as a unique opportunity for yourself to get better. You earn it, and you shall cooperate with the win.
• When you get positive criticism, take it as a signal that you've done something right. Give yourself a pat on the back and reward yourself with a soda!

Your body language can tell something other than what you say

Have you had such a conversation before, where body language says something different from what you are saying? Have you ever had one of those fake smiles that come in almost the speed of light? Has anyone tried to convince you of one thing, although both eyes and nervousness tells you otherwise?

Body language refers to nonverbal communication such as facial expressions, body movements, posture and movement of hands, arms and fingers. It has a significance and impact of what is being said. It tells the respondent what you are really saying.

Words and tone of your voice should be in harmony with your body language. These three things must correspond to a meaningful non-verbal speech.

When these three elements of face-to-face communication will support each other's body language convey most of the message.

Any suggestions on how body language can be improved

• Keep your head up, maintain good eye contact, but do not stare.
• Keep a slow pace, both in speaking and in your movements.
• Relax and focus on your movements.
• Sit or stand up straight.
• Do not cross your arms or legs, relax your shoulders.
• Do not stand too close or too far away.
• Sincere smile and laugh.
• Have a positive, open and relaxed attitude.

Remember:

• Constantly checking what time it is or check fingernails, is a strong sign of boredom.
• Pick the clothes or the down and see people give signals that you do not approve of their ideas and / or feel uneasy to say your honest opinion.
• To put her hand stroking chin while looking at someone, you give some signals that you pre-judge their decisions.
• Squinting eye can provide signals to someone you do not like them or their ideas.
• Fake smile is another sign of deception. A genuine smile wrinkles the corners of the eyes and change the facial expression.
• Leaning away from someone you love is a sign that you are bored or distracted. People usually leans towards people they like, and leaning away from those you dislike.
• Oh do not look directly at the person you are talking to, indicating some degree of discomfort or lack of interest.
• Crossing the arms is a sign of defensive resistance or self-absorption.
• To show a slight attitude and negative messages.

Confidence and attitude
Place your feet a comfortable distance from each other, keep your shoulders pulled back slightly and keep your head up, greet the people with direct eye contact and a firm handshake.

• To scratch the back of the head or neck indicates doubt and uncertainty.Relax posture with shoulders indicates low self-esteem. Always pull your shoulders back. Not only will you look more confident out, you will also feel safer.
• Shaking or tapping the feet or fingers indicates stress, impatience or boredom.Fiddling on small objects is another sign of anxiety or lack of interest. Keep your hands comfortable rest for when you are in the presence of others.
• Anyway, that reading non-verbal cues are difficult because body language can have multiple meanings. For example, the crossing of the arms or legs can mean that a person is cold or is relaxed. Moreover, it is important to remember that the body language does not have the same meaning in all cultures.

So these observations should be used only as a guide for changing your personal development. When you need to learn to communicate better on a non-verbal level, one must first familiarize themselves with what is customary and acceptable in society, so that you know what you need to adjust and how much :)